15 5 / 2012
Sandwich Maker
- Yo: Wade, do you need a new sandwich maker for your apartment?
- Yo: I don't know. I may.
- Yo: Nah, he doesn't need a sandwich maker. He's already got Alishia.
- Why do I like this kid?
Permalink 6 notes
24 4 / 2012
Someone kill me…
Even with my headphones on, all I can hear is the sound of my lesbian neighbor’s bedppost banging against the other side of my wall.
Permalink 1 note
16 4 / 2012
How I would spend my life if I was rich enough to afford this many rubik’s cubes.
08 4 / 2012
The truest analogy EVER.
- Yo: You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbour.
- Yo: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.
- Yo: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and sells you some milk.
- Yo: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and shoots you.
- Yo: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away..
- Yo: You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull. You herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
- Yo: You have 2 cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow dropped dead.
- Yo: You have 2 cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
- Yo: You have 2 cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them Worldwide.
- Yo: You have 2 cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
- Yo: You have 5000 cows. None of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
- Yo: You have 2 cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
- Yo: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No one believes you and they bomb your arse. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.......
- Yo: 'Wow, dig it, like there's these 2 cows, man, grazing in the hemp field. You gotta have some of this milk!'
- Yo: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
- Yo: You have 2 doomed cows...
- Yo: You have 2 cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
- Yo: You have 2 cows. You pay taxes for 6 cows. You have to sell one cow in order to pay the taxes. Your remaining cow gets sick and dies while waiting for availability in the public vet hospital.
Permalink 66,353 notes
05 4 / 2012
"
A good sitcom is like an equation. It’s just about manipulating variables.
It’s not hard when you see it in action. First you figure out some constants like “s” and “l” and “r” and “p” across the hall. Then you set “s” to a few certain behaviors that continue if “s” is not acted upon. Then you move “p” to interact with “s” but in a way that violates the preset variables. Like, if “s” always stays in a primary orbit of watching DW on Saturday morning, and “p” attaches to “s” for help on a Saturday morning, this puts a stress on “s” over time (which can be easily graphed, incidentally) causing him to question the state of his world and reconsider the ranking of important people in his life. If we assume this moves “p” to a higher position than DW due to the DW’s current focus on relationships over unusual aliens, then “s” reaches equilibrium with “p” and “sp” remain at rest in their new level. At this point, introducing “l” with an attractor for “p” can reshape the bond and free “s” to the usual path which has now been devalued in relation to the “sp” bond that has formed, leading “s” to become and remain agitated.
If properly established, and a visiting variable “p2” has been introduced early on (perhaps in an failed attempt to form “lp2” with “l” in a previous experiment) “s” might decide to use “p2” to get back at “lp” in the way Princess Leia kissed Luke Skywalker to upset Han Solo. At this point “sp2” and “lp” could all go to see a movie, where “s” violates expected behavior to arrive in a sub-optimal location because it is close to “p” (causing additional stress on forming of an “sp” bond) while “p2” attempts to break “lp” through the application of pressure, ultimately leading to an awkward “p2lps” which is resolved by an unexpected “r” who believes his popcorn has rum flavoring.
Consequently, “p2” and “r” can form “rp2” and go off with “lp” to make their reservation, leaving “s” with the transferred popcorn, which he eats absentmindedly and with a face of disgust. Then the following morning “lp” can apologize to “s” with an item that appears to be of minimal worth but actually carries great value relative to the desires and interests of “s” and thus a weak “slp” state is recreated, which can be assumed to grow while the experimenter is away in preparation for the new experiment the following week, unless it’s a rerun.
See? They’ve got it down to a science.
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